Even the best relationships can sometimes experience difficulties and lows as we all go through our normal ups and downs. These can be short-lived or they can last longer. I have found a way to shorten these relationship strains that I have used in my own relationship with my husband. This can even be used for other relationships such as family members, friends, co-workers, etc.
Set an Intention
Through my practice of Beach Yoga, I have learned from our instructor about the exercise of setting an intention before each session. This is a short purpose, goal or objective that I would like to achieve from this yoga session. For example, I often set an intention of “I am peace” or “I am love”. After I have completed that yoga session, I feel much more peaceful and loving.
Four years ago, before my husband and I were married, I had gotten into the bad habit of speaking to him in a tone of voice that sounded irritated or impatient. I made the decision that for his birthday month of March, I would set an intention of “I am Kind”. I chose the length of a month because that is about how long it takes to form a new habit.
Write it Down
I wrote my intention down in my “journal” (which is just a regular spiral-bound notebook, nothing fancy!) “Intention for Richard’s birthday month of March. I am KIND—I show Richard respect, kindness, love and caring. I talk kindly. I act with kindness. I think before I speak, and I am calm, gentle and kind.” I kept that page near so I could look at it every day.
Mindset Then Changes Behavior
This intention definitely did change my mindset and in turn, my behavior. My more positive mindset and behavior had a positive impact on Richard and I could feel that our relationship improved. Richard is a wonderful husband who responds to kindness and love immediately so he started mirroring my kindness and love without even being aware that I was practicing something different to improve myself. I did not tell him that I was doing this until the last week of March when I wrote it in his Birthday card.
Practice Gratitude
I previously wrote an article about how thinking positively is linked to better health and keeping a gratitude journal can help us in thinking more positively. LINK TO ARTICLE HERE
Another simple way to improve your relationship is to each day write down three things that you appreciate about your partner and for which you are grateful. Start out doing this for a month, then it will turn into a habit that you continue each day. It takes less than 5 minutes a day. If you want to “ramp up” the positive effects, do it in the morning AND at night as you are getting ready for bed!
After practicing one or both of these suggestions for a month, I’d love to hear any feedback that you’d like to offer.